


Hermione Granger's Infinite Reading List

by Hawksquill



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Books, Chatifc, Chatting & Messaging, Community: HPFT, Complete, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Goodreads, Neville has a crush on Luna, One Shot, Post-Canon, Reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29633115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawksquill/pseuds/Hawksquill
Summary: Hermione Granger can’t stop buying books.  It only gets worse when she discovers Goodreads and convinces all her friends to join.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger & Neville Longbottom & Luna Lovegood & Harry Potter & Ginny Weasley & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Neville Longbottom/Luna Lovegood
Kudos: 7





	Hermione Granger's Infinite Reading List

**Author's Note:**

> Written for prideofprewett's untranslatable word challenge on FFT! 
> 
> The prompt word I received was Tsundoku (Japanese) – the act of leaving a book unread after buying it, typically piling it up together with other such unread books.

Hermininny: Oh my God. 

Roonil Wazlib: ???

Hermininny: How have I never heard of Goodreads before? 

Chosen One: idk? you do realize you can’t know literally everything right?

Hermininny: Aren’t you going to ask me what Goodreads is? 

Roonil Wazlib: im just waiting for the signature hermione explanation tbh

Golden Bitch: do we have to actively ask you about your obsessions now? cos I didn’t sign up for this shit. You won’t even play quid w me unless you’re drunk

Hermininny: Shut up.

Neville’s Snare: I want to know about Goodreads, Hermione. Sounds fun!

Hermininny: Thank you, Neville.

Hermininny: It’s an app for rating and tracking books. You can make shelves with books you’ve read, books you want to read, any way you want to tag and organize them, really. I’ve been doing it by hand in my bujo for YEARS. This is a total gamechanger. 

Neville’s Snare: Oooh installing it now! 

Roonil Wazlib: if u give every book a 1 star rating do u have to start calling it badreads?? 

Chosen One: lol

Hermininny: Shut up, Ronald. 

Hermininny: For SOME of us this could change our lives. 

Hermininny: I’ve already made my account, so I can send all of you friend requests as soon as you make yours. Can’t wait to see what we’re all reading!

Golden Bitch: uh sorry what?

Hermininny: It’s only fun if you have a bunch of friends on there. How else am I supposed to find new books to read?

Golden Bitch: don’t you already have like 3 entire bookcases of unread books in your flat? 

Roonil Wazlib: yes its a problem

Hermininny: I have a system! If all goes to plan I’ll work through them in the next 3-5 years. 

Roonil Wazlib: that’s what u said when there was only 2 unread bookcases

Chosen One: seriously Gin don’t bring it up unless you want a repeat of last year’s great Christmas row

Hermininny: What is THAT supposed to mean? 

Roonil Wazlib: oi! 

Golden Bitch: right right sorry. I hate having to witness their weird foreplay. 

Roonil Wazlib: GINNY! 

Hermininny: GINNY! 

Neville’s Snare: Just sent you a friend request, Hermione!

* * *

Hermione G. joined Gooreads!

Hermione G. created a favorites shelf. 

Hermione G. created a to-read shelf. 

Hermione G. added _The Consolation of Philosophy_ by Boethius to the favorites shelf.

Hermione G. added _Born to Obedience, Bred for Slavery: A History of House-elves in Wizarding Britain_ by Flavia Featherstone to the favorites shelf.

Hermione G. added _Hogwarts, A History_ by Bathilda Bagshot to the favorites shelf. 

Hermione G. added _Middlemarch_ by George Eliot to the favorites shelf.

Hermione G. added _Changelings: Muggleborns in the Muggle and Wizarding Worlds, 1450-1900_ by Orion Paddington-Knuckle to the favorites shelf.

Hermione G. is now friends with Neville L.! 

Neville L. created a favorites shelf.

Neville L. added _Medicinal Plants in the Ancient Mediterranean and Levant_ by Dietrich Romilly to the favorites shelf. 

Neville L. rated _Medicinal Plants in the Ancient Mediterranean and Levant_ by Dietrich Romilly 5 stars.

Hermione G. liked Neville L.’s review. 

Hermione G. added _Medicinal Plants in the Ancient Mediterranean and Levant_ by Dietrich Romilly to the to-read shelf. 

* * *

  
  


Hermininny: I don’t see friend requests from the rest of you! Neville and I are having a grand old time. 

Roonil Wazlib: do we have 2?

Hermininny: YES.

Neville’s Snare: It’s fun, guys! Hermione has read so many books! 

Roonil Wazlib: but u already know all the books ive read

Roonil Wazlib: bc i only read when u force me 2

Hermininny: Yes, well maybe that will change. If you put in books you’ve liked it will show you more like it so you can find even more books to read! You can build up a real reading habit! 

Hermininny: Harry? Ginny?

Golden Bitch: nah not happening. soz, h. I don’t compromise for anyone I’m not snogging

Chosen One: hey i AM snogging you and you still won’t compromise! 

Golden Bitch: lmfao yea. it’s me? 

Roonil Wazlib: ok if im doing this u have to do it with me mate

Chosen One: okay fine. 

* * *

Hermione G. is currently reading _Alas, I Have Transfigured My Feet_ by Malecrit. 

Hermione G. created a hogwarts-class-reading shelf.

Hermione G. added _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_ by Phyllida Spore, _The Monster Book of Monsters_ by Edwardus Lima, _Magical Hieroglyphs and Logograms_ by Hypatia Metaxas, and 32 others to the hogwarts-class-reading shelf.

Hermione G. rated _Unfogging the Future_ by Cassandra Vablatsky 1 star. 

Hermione G. is now friends with ron!

Hermione G. created a hogwarts-fun-reading shelf.

Hermione G. added _An Anthology of Eighteenth Century Charms_ by Gideon Grimmelfoot, _Sites of Historical Sorcery_ by Siobhan Quirke, _An Appraisal of Magical Education in Europe_ by Estelle Pelletier and 279 others to the hogwarts-fun-reading shelf. 

Hermione G. is now friends with Master of Death! 

ron is now friends with Master of Death! 

ron rated _Flying with the Cannons_ by Julius Dehoffe 4 stars. 

Hermione G. liked ron’s review. 

Master of Death commented on ron’s review: 4 stars seems harsh considering you practically forced me to read it years ago. Also I’m pr sure it’s the only book you’ve ever read willingly? 

Master of Death commented on ron’s review: also Ginny says don’t take out your feelings about the cannons’ shit season this year on poor Dehoffe. 

* * *

Hermininny: Harry, you haven’t added any books yet.

Chosen One: yeah idk how you haven’t noticed after all these years but... I don’t really read.

Hermininny: What about that book about medieval curses I got you for Christmas last year? 

Chosen One: yeah about that…

Golden Bitch: I think we’ve been using that as a doorstop for a while? 

Hermininny: Well then add it to your to read shelf! 

Hermininny: And Ron, why don’t you add all those silly Muggle comics you like so much? 

Roonil Wazlib: i didnt know u could do comics on there

Hermininny: Well now you know! :) 

Chosen One: wait why isn’t Luna getting the third degree?

Roonil Wazlib: yeah!!! what about luna??? 

Neville’s Snare: She’s in Thailand with her dad, remember? 

Neville’s Snare: Oh man, I need to make a to read shelf now! 

Roonil Wazlib: and SOMEONE needs to actually make the list of all the books she already owns and hasn’t read yet.

Hermininny: It was next on my Goodreads to do list, thank you very much. 

* * *

Hermione G. created a to-read-already-own shelf. 

Hermione G. added _Animagus Transfiguration in Theory and Practice_ by Minerva McGonagall, _The Brothers Karamazov_ by Fyodor Dostoevsky, _Plum Politics: A History of the Ministry of Magic_ by Mafalda Hopkirk, _Don Quixote_ by Miguel de Cervantes and 23 others to the to-read-already-own shelf. 

Hermione G. is currently reading _More Than Treasure: A History of Gringotts Bank_ by Eadglok. 

Neville L. liked Hermione G.’s update. 

Neville L. created a to-read shelf. 

Neville L. added _Changelings: Muggleborns in the Muggle and Wizarding Worlds, 1450-1900_ by Orion Paddington-Knuckle to the to-read shelf.

Neville L. added _Distilling and Infusing Botanicals in Magical Liqueurs and Cocktails_ by Geneva Tonique to the to-read shelf.

Neville L. added _Home-grown Flowers and Herbs in Hobbyist and Cottage Industry Crafts_ by Everard Throckmorton to the to-read shelf. 

Hermione G. added _Distilling and Infusing Botanicals in Magical Liqueurs and Cocktails_ by Geneva Tonique to the to-read shelf.

Hermione G. added _Home-grown Flowers and Herbs in Hobbyist and Cottage Industry Crafts_ by Everard Throckmorton to the to-read shelf. 

Hermione G. added _House-elves, Goblins, and Centaurs in Popular Culture_ by Poppy Pruittwhist, _Sister Outsider_ by Audre Lorde, _A History of Magical Librarianship_ by Livia Quarto and 17 others to the to-read-already-own shelf. 

ron rated _The Adventures of Martin Miggs The Mad Muggle_ _Volume One_ by Brendan Thrussell 5 stars.

ron rated _The Adventures of Martin Miggs The Mad Muggle Volume Two_ by Brendan Thrussell 5 stars.

ron rated _The Adventures of Martin Miggs The Mad Muggle Volume Three_ by Brendan Thrussell 5 stars.

Hermione G. liked ron’s review. 

Hermione G. rated _Magical Me_ by Gilderoy Lockhart 3 stars. 

ron commented on Hermione G.’s review: 3 stars is 3 too many

Master of Death added _An Encyclopedia of Medieval Curses in Northern Europe_ by Tiberius Meckler to the to-read shelf. 

Hermione G. liked Master of Death’s update. 

Hermione G. added _When Women Didn’t Count: The Chronic Mismeasure and Marginalization of American Women in Federal Statistics_ by Robert Lopresti, _From Domesday Book to Charmed Quills: Magical Censuses in Britain, 1066-2000_ by Honora Hastings, _A Theory of Justice_ by John Rawls and 21 others to the to-read-already-own shelf. 

ron added _Hogwarts, A History_ by Bathilda Bagshot to the to-read shelf. 

Master of Death commented on ron’s update: lol. 

Hermione G. commented on ron’s update: You can borrow it whenever you want - I have two spare copies! 

* * *

Moon Child: hello my lovies! 

Neville’s Snare: Luna! How was Thailand!? Are you super tan now?! 

Golden Bitch: heyyyy Lu! missed you

Roonil Wizlab: wb :) 

Chosen One: hey Lu! 

Hermininny: Hello, Luna! 

Moon Child: I missed you too! I wish you were all there, Daddy and I came THIS close to catching a bi-horned snorkack

Neville’s Snare: Wow, sounds amazing! Maybe I can come along next time. :) 

Golden Bitch: that’s different from the one in Sweden right?

Moon Child: oh yes, likely a v distant relative. the Thai bihorn has two horns obvs but their social behavior is also totally different. they can use their horns sort of like antennae to make radio waves to communicate w each other!!

Roonil Wazlib: wicked

Hermininny: Well, it certainly sounds like something else! 

Moon Child: so what’d I miss? 

Chosen One: eh you know, not much. I have most of the summer off from the academy but Gin’s training most of the time so it’s a bit boring over here. 

Golden Bitch: uh excuse you, you’ve been working on that amazing remedial DADA course for those of us traumatized by the likes of Lockhart and Umbr*dge

Neville’s Snare: My Bouncing Bulb is growing nicely, I’ll need to repot it soon! I had to break up a fight between Bulby and the Venomous Tentacula last week because I put them too close together and they were getting territorial. 

Neville’s Snare: Other than that harvesting lots and lots of dittany, racing to prepare for the demand at the beginning of the new school year.

Moon Child: oh good for you, Nev! are we still on to deadhead all the exotic bushes on sat? 

Neville’s Snare: It’s a date!

Neville’s Snare: I mean, yes of course! 

Roonil Wazlib: hmm what else

Roonil Wazlib: i made a really good pizza the other day 

Roonil Wazlib: oh and hermiones current obsession is this thing called readgood 

Moon Child: ha, like Lovegood 

Golden Bitch: lmao

Chosen One: isn’t it goodread? 

Moon Child: what is it anyway

Hermininny: Oh, I don’t think Luna would be interested. 

Hermininny: And it’s Goodreads plural, just by the way. 

Golden Bitch: actually I think you’d like it, Lu. It’s sort of like a social media site for books, I guess? 

Moon Child: sounds cool! 

Hermininny: I’ve been using it for organizing all my books and I love it. But I know organizing isn’t really your thing, so no pressure at all!

Moon Child: just made an acct. A bunch of my dad’s books aren’t on here! there’s a way to submit new books right? 

Hermininny: Oh, yes, I expect so. 

Neville’s Snare: Luna, send me a friend request!

Moon Child: oh you can friend people! Give me all your usernames so I can friend you

Moon Child: except Gin I’m guessing this isn’t your thing

Golden Bitch: right you are, dear friend.

Roonil Wazlib: lemme log on and add u. oh man i havent logged on in weeks. hermione how many damn books have u added on here?

Moon Child: Hermione give me yours so I can add you

Hermininny: Oh, yes, of course! Sorry. 

Hermininny: Adding you now. 

* * *

Neville L. is now friends with Queen of the Nargles! 

ron is now friends with Queen of the Nargles!

Master of Death is now friends with Queen of the Nargles! 

Hermione G. is now friends with Queen of the Nargles!

Queen of the Nargles rated _The Deathly Hallows: Fact and Fiction_ by Xenophilius Lovegood 5 stars. 

Neville L. liked Queen of the Nargles’s review. 

Neville L. added _The Deathly Hallows: Fact and Fiction_ by Xenophilius Lovegood to the to-read shelf. 

Queen of the Nargles rated _Ink Spilled for Truth: The Collected Quibbler Writings_ by Xenophilius Lovegood 5 stars.

Neville L. liked Queen of the Nargles’s review.

Neville L. added _Ink Spilled for Truth: The Collected Quibbler Writings_ by Xenophilius Lovegood to the to-read shelf. 

Queen of the Nargles rated _Hallowed: A History of the Masters of Death_ by Caradoc Cadwallader 4 stars. 

Neville L. liked Queen of the Nargles’s review. 

Neville L. added _Hallowed: A History of the Masters of Death_ by Caradoc Cadwallader to the to-read shelf. 

Hermione G. added _The Deathly Hallows: Fact and Fiction_ by Xenophilius Lovegood to the to-read shelf. 

Hermione G. added _Hallowed: A History of the Masters of Death_ by Caradoc Cadwallader to the to-read shelf. 

Hermione G. rated _The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore_ by Rita Skeeter 1 star.

Master of Death liked Hermione G.’s review. 

Master of Death rated _The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore_ by Rita Skeeter 1 star.

Hermione G. commented on Master of Death’s review: I know you hate her, I do too, but it’s cheating to rate books you haven’t actually finished.

ron liked Master of Death’s review. 

ron rated _The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore_ by Rita Skeeter 1 star.

Master of Death liked ron’s review.

Hermione G. commented on ron’s review: Seriously, stop! It’s not fair to the rest of us! Why don’t you go leave some reviews for books you’ve actually read? 

ron rated _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_ 4 stars. 

Hermione G. liked ron’s review. 

* * *

Hermininny: I’m sure you all know, but my birthday is coming up and I would like books, please. Anything from my to-read shelf on Goodreads is fine (NOT to be confused with the to-read-already-own shelf). 

Hermininny: I trust you can work out who’s getting me what amongst yourselves. But if not I can make up a list. 

Neville: Bagsy the Romilly! I know you’ll love it, Hermione! 

Moon Child: I know exactly which one to get you :) 

Roonil Wazlib: u do not need more books

Hermininny: Well, it’s my birthday and I would like books, please.

Hermininny: Unless you have other gift ideas? 

Golden Bitch: Harry and I will just get a couple no one else has claimed, yeah? 

Chosen One: Ooh let’s get the booze one. 

Chosen One: and the one about Krum! 

Golden Bitch: sounds good to me babes

Roonil Wazlib: what? krum? 

Hermininny: If you were on Goodreads more, Ron, you would see that I’ve been trying to do some more reading on Quidditch. I want to be able to at least understand what it means that Ginny is the most promising and innovative strategist in twenty years, or whatever that headline was. 

Golden Bitch: fuck yea

Roonil Wazlib: u can learn about quid without reading about him

Roonil Wazlib: why dont u actually read some of the books u already own? 

Hermininny: I have been!

Roonil Wazlib: i know 4 a fact u still have an entire bookcase u havent even added to readgood yet

Hermininny: It’s GOODREADS, Ronald. 

* * *

Hermione G. is currently reading _Plum Politics: A History of the Ministry of Magic_ by Mafalda Hopkirk.

Neville L. liked Hermione G.’s update.

ron liked Hermione G.’s update. 

Hermione G. added _The Prepared Traveler’s Guide to Australia_ by Una Down, _Flamel’s Breviary_ by Nicolas Flamel, _Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell_ by Susanna Clarke and 18 others to the to-read-already-own shelf. 

Hermione G. rated _Plum Politics: A History of the Ministry of Magic_ by Mafalda Hopkirk 3 stars.

ron liked Hermione G.’s review.

ron commented on Hermione G.’s review: yess more of this!!! one down, three more shelves to go

Hermione G. added _Medicinal Plants in the Ancient Mediterranean and Levant_ by Dietrich Romilly, _The Deathly Hallows: Fact and Fiction_ by Xenophilius Lovegood, _Viktor Krum: The Man, the Myth, the Seeker_ by Andrei Radkov and 3 others to the to-read-already-own shelf.

ron commented on Hermione G.’s update: less of this pls 4 my sanity

Queen of the Nargles rated _By the Light of the Moon: Lunar Magic in Potions, Herbology, Runes, and More_ by Adhara Tariq 5 stars.

Neville L. liked Queen of the Nargles’s review.

Neville L. added _By the Light of the Moon: Lunar Magic in Potions, Herbology, Runes, and More_ by Adhara Tariq to the to-read shelf.

Hermione G. added _By the Light of the Moon: Lunar Magic in Potions, Herbology, Runes, and More_ by Adhara Tariq to the to-read shelf.

ron commented on Hermione G.’s update: ...and less of this

Hermione G. liked the list 50 Books About Folk Magic Traditions Around the World to Read Before You Die. 

Hermione G. added _Pima Weaving Magic_ by Adeline Sepori, _Hex and Spellwork: The Magical Practices of the Pennsylvania Dutch_ by Karl Herr, _The Jewish Alchemists: A History and Source Book_ by Raphael Patai and 8 others to the to-read shelf.

ron commented on Hermione G.’s update: ur doing this just 2 annoy me arent u

Hermione G. rated _The Deathly Hallows: Fact and Fiction_ by Xenophilius Lovegood 1 star.

Queen of the Nargles commented on Hermione G.’s review: this must be a mistake - did you misclick? 

Hermione G. rated _The Deathly Hallows: Fact and Fiction_ by Xenophilius Lovegood 2 stars. 

* * *

Roonil Wazlib: i am once again asking u NOT to give hermione more books 4 xmas

Chosen One: sorry mate she already gave us the list of books she wants.

Neville’s Snare: My list is perfect! You have such good taste, Hermione! 

Roonil Wazlib: no

Roonil Wazlib: hermione u said u wouldnt

Hermininny: I couldn’t think of anything else I wanted! I can’t help it!

Moon Child: ron shouldn’t you know your wife better by now??

Chosen One: lol

Golden Bitch: haha yes exactly. good one Lu

Roonil Wazlib: we r going 2 need a 4th bookcase soon. 1 for each year of marriage. 

Roonil Wazlib: we cant keep going @ this rate

Hermininny: We’ve been married for five years. 

Golden Bitch: could you two please keep whatever this is out of the group chat? 

Roonil Wazlib: only if hermione keeps her bloody stack of books off my side of the bed

Hermininny: Oh, stop. It’s why you love me.

Roonil Wazlib: yeah

Roonil Wazlib: it is <3 

Neville’s Snare: You two are so cute! 

Golden Bitch: gross

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I've never written a chatfic before and it was super fun! Would love to hear what you thought in the comments :)


End file.
